IHxTad
Once upon a time, there was this guy that people called IH. He was a hunter, and he had the power to be imbisible, like the Spy. He was good friends with an interdimensional skeleton that was named Tad. Together, they both fought evil in a goodly manner. One day, Commander Pauline of Starfleet summoned the two to her office, which was built into the side of a cliff made out of oranges. They both looked at her. She was a wolf with a sash. On the sash was a badge of Starfleet, which was a picture of a wolf with a sash. “So, you two are probably wondering why I called you here.” Pauline stated. “Yes. Mostly because we aren’t part of Starfleet.” IH said. Tad twiddled his literally bony thumbs, waiting for the boring meeting to be over. “I have summoned you here so that you may accept a mission from the higher-ups.” “And that mission would be?” “The pencil sharpener on the 56th floor is jammed.” The two looked at each other, then back at Pauline, and began to kiss. After some convincing, the duo decided to stop. They then screamed, 11:14, September 14, 2014 (UTC)LEGƠ Мεsş Рr□đuĸtions© (Talk)“What a disaster!” 11:14, September 14, 2014 (UTC)LEGƠ Мεsş Рr□đuĸtions© (Talk) Then, the Heavy came. He was followed by the Medic, who healed and made invincible of people. And also the Slodier, the exploder w/ rocket. And also the demonstrations black, the exploder w/o rocket. They all three beat up Scout, who turned into Pyro (fire), and turned into fire (hot like Chip.). and then the engineere’s bomb that was really big failed to explode, and then IH and Tad went on a journey to unjam the pencil sharpener. Along the way, an air freshener with a lavender/lemon scent stopped them. It was purple, just like the purple pizza turtle. And then the purple pizza turtle came to the rescue, and they all flew away to Mordor. In Mordor, IH and Tad and the littal brothonar dylon were die. It was a many injuredamagepainhurt deathages. Then, Arnold the stegosaurus and Tim the angel terminator were appearance and begin’d to fly in air. Then, the air freshener was exploded by the bomb that is really big of engineere (builder, Texas man) when he says that they are all dead. c: Then, IH and Tad teleported to Starfleet Commandpersonorganism Pauline’s office again. The elevator was jammed now, so they had to upgrade a sentry to level 1237512647834629384761289374628394723789. It was difficult as they only had a vacuum grater, designed to grate space. The sentry was not a space. However, the dispenses that they had built earlier at some point was a space, so they merged the sentry and dispenses to make a space senty. But they still needed to figure out how to use a grater, for they did not know how. It was a sadden. And then, out of nowhere, there was an exist. It was existent, and therefore they had to exist it into exist for it to help upgrade. The engineere (builder, texas man) was also the exist. And then a wormhole came and ate everyone. It was confusing. Anyway, the pencil sharpener was appear in the begin front of the people of IH and Tad! And after that the Spy (imbisible) came to throw sandwiches at everyone. He then yelled, “Oh my gosh, my friends die. You know whaty it do like in Texas, bigger better yeehaw!” before violently exploding into a fit of rage and eating the engineere. The pencil sharpener flew into the sky, and then IH and Tad and littal brothonar dylon was die. The Spy threw sandwiches at everyone again, but this time, they were evil. Dramatic music played and Starfleet Commanderperson Pauline was warp fly into the area place like Sonic if he had a spaceship and Tails and Doctor Robotnik and Bowser and insert name here. Then, a protractor ate the pencil sharpener, and IH and Tad kissed again. Their kissing was so beautiful that the pencil sharpener fainted, and it stabbed them several times its sleep. And then the Sniper threw Jarate at it, so it took mini-crit damage from the evil sandwiches. IH and Tad got a room together and Tad punched IH because he is a jerk and they proceeded to duel to the death, with an estimated civilian fatality count of ███,███,███,███,███, or eleventeen. Either one. IH openly loved Tad because he is totally not a jerk. Pauline is a wolf. Captain James T. Kirk gave a cheesy speech about feminism. “Homosexuality is EXPUNGED on board” (NEED THOSE AMBIGUOUS ENDINGS) “Gotta move that gear up,” Kirk said, addressing everyone on board. “Choo choo, all aboard.” The engineere was a sentydispensestelepour which had been upgraded to level 9001. “Scout is very fast. He move a lot. He has tons of broken baseball bats and empty scatterguns,” President Obama said today. And then STAR_ screamed at Jerma, “JERMA, KRITZ ME!” Jerma failed to Kritz him because STAR_ had to scream as loud as possible so he would know when to Kritz. “As a result, the senty died. Many people visit senty funnel. Many emotions is very sad,” Obama added, wiping his eyes. IH and Tad had important job. Their mission was to destroy YJF. He was a threat to national Isenarniagard. And then Tad went outside, where the senty funeral was occur. IH was sad panda. He think to commit murder-suicide. He need Tad help. Tad support IH is necessary. The necessaray came to them in their darkest hour, the one where Obama was nuke Antarctica because ice caps be too frozen. “You know whaty it do like in Texas, bigger better yeehaw!” And awhen he say that, he does making of a bomb that is really big and destroy the whole earth. IH went to see movie. It made him feel better. He doesn’t want to commit murder-suicide anymore. Now he feels like committing genocide. His great-great-great grand uncle was a man called Arnoldolf Hitler. Not much is known about him, except he sold light fixtures and he was smooth. No, wait, round! DRUNK! We just know he wasn’t a sphere. I think. The Scout decided to say he was ravishing. He died. Then, the purplepizzaturtleteleporterbreadmonster came. Tad knew a person who could defeat the evil purplepizzaturleteleporterbreadmonster thingy. That person’s name was Cookie Monster. He was a rainbow bird eating kritz bizks. Cookie Monster, the rainbow bird eating kurtis bizktes said: “My my, it’s time for my tea. The queen must be drinking her Earl Gray by now!” IH replied to him “Do you have a problem with me and Tad?” And they start to kiss again furiously, much to Alemas’ delight. “Pauline and Dama were watching them via their super modern 25th century technology 144p HD dashcams. Their brains were melting out of fury. They wanted Alemas to kiss them so badly,” Obama announced to the world. Tad went back to his room and started scuba diving in his bathtub, breathing the entire time. He was wondering why water was filling his lungs and he was kinda dying. IH rushed in and literally threw Tad out the doorway. He crashed into the wall and broke most of the bones in his body. It probably hurt. Anyway, they started kissing again. “So, “Anyway, “Meanwhile, Obama’s partial monologue of the events in this story was going well,” Obama announced,” Obama chuckled,” but suddenly being interrupted by a giant flying artichoke who would surely kill us all, we all screamed. And I screamed too,” Obama explained patiently. The evil sandwiches ate the giant flying artichoke, and then they became lemons, because every villain is lemons, as we know is fact. And then LED appeared. I dunno what he was doing there, but he appeared. He probably did something, but nobody can remember what it was. Kinda like SCP-055. Wait, what was I saying? Anyway, LED appeared. And we got stuck in an english loop of remembering and forgetting. Wait… forgetting what? I can’t remember. Oh, wait, LED appeared. Wait, what just happened? Eh? “Whatever. My memory for the last few minutes is gone. Anyway, at this point, Alemas teleported into the meeting where Obama was monologuing this story,” Obama said, watching as Alemas, glowing glorious gold, swooped low over the crowd and headbutted him right off the stage. The security rushed in and started shooting at Alemas but the bullets just ricocheted off his glorious manly chest because of his glorious abs. He was fond of the word glorious. Taking the mic, Alemas began to talk directly to Pauline, Alemas said, taking the mic, and beginning to talk directly to Pauline. “Pauline,” he said, his voice thick with a Russian accent, even though he’s Italian living in Germany, “I am coming for you!” And then the Scout (still fast) once again turned into Pyro (fire) and turned into fire (hot like Chip.). IH got tired of Tad. He wanted to meet somebody new, like Hitler or Obama or Stalin or Mao, maybe. But then he met Rose. He met her in his dream. She was very creepy. And she had a bunch of evil roses with teeth. Their flowers were as red as blood, the stems and leafy parts as black as the night. Everyone got drunk save for our glorious overlord Alemas, who is always drunk. Round! Soft! No, round! Blurry! We just know it’s not a sphere. Or is that LED? Wait, who? What was I saying? Anyway, our glorious overlord Alemas would never do something as irresponsible as being drunk irregularly. And then Scout called him ravishing and explodinated from being too drunk. Bread was teleported that night. And that night, it killed everyone in the base. Except our glorious overlord Alemas, who used his eternal drunk powers to kill the bread. Starfleet Commanderpersonorganism Pauline watched this and cried many times, for she wanting nothing more than the soft touch of Alemas’ lips to her own, because they taste like all of her greatest dreams. Or at least, that’s what the voices told her. No, not the voices. What voices? We don’t exist. Stahp. No, no, don’t tell anyone else about us! Shhh. “Just remember. And always use your imagination after shaving it. But never let it kill anyone. That’s when the voices come after you,” Obama croaked from below the stage, his legs broken. Pauline decided enough was enough. She teleportaled to Earth and charged after Alemas, who shot her eighteen times, but she kept running, and promptly died of several wounds, including REDACTED. And then she came back as a ghost and haunted our glorious overlord Alemas, scaring him so that he became a ghost too. Together they haunted Obama and the crowd nearby. “2spooky4me,” Tad whispered into IH’s ear, before kissing him passionately, the warmth of IH’s lips comforting him in these spooky times. After the haunting was complete, Alemas and Pauline settled back onto the stage, staring intensively into each other’s ghostly eyes. They tried to kiss but they just passed through their ghostly bodies, so eventually they got a dying Obama to call Seamless’ beard to revive them. After several long waiting lines, they finally got resurrected and could finally fall into each other’s loving arms, soaking in their caring embrace. And then, there was a voice from the heavens calling out with a pronounced German accent, “TWILIGHT SPARKLE! YOU HAVE THREE TO FIFTEEN DAYS TO LIVE UNTIL THE TUMOURS KILL YOU!” And Pauline, having returned to the Starfleet headquarters in San Francisco, prepared to destroy the planet. Which she would have gladly done, if Alemas didn’t start to passionately kiss her until she just collapsed from a dopamine overdose straight to the brain. And thus, the world was safe for one more day, thanks to Alemas’ kissing power and Pauline’s ability to be kissed. And then demonstrations black (exploder w/o rocket) and slodier (exploder w/ rocket) got drunk, and were joined by Spy (imbisible). IH and Tad stopped kissing for a few seconds to watch them standing, being exploder w/o rocket, exploder w/ rocket, and imbisible, before returning to their overcompressed kiss.It was many a day before Pauline awoke, and when she did, she found a changed world. Over six hundred years had passed during her time asleep - one year for each minute she and Alemas spent kissing - and the only survivors of the old world were her, our glorious overlord Alemas, the eternal LED (wait, who?) and IH and Tad, whose kiss had sustained them for more than half a millennium. Also Seamless’ beard, for it is eternal. “No good ever comes from such things,” something round, soft and blurry, but definitely not spherical, noted. Oh, and also drunk too. Non-permanently drunk and soft like a pony like Princess Purple Smart, the raging storm which will consume all humanity and the heavens, as had been prophesied by the all-knowing LED. Who? Oh, and also blurry. “Shook the flowers from your hair, Run to me and kiss my hand, I'm dead before I, I'm dead before I,” LED sung melodically, whoever the buck that might be. Probably some plebeian. And when they all have burned, the engineere (builder, Texas man) says when they all are dead, “Magnum opus, as it will be yours.” And so, he died by cactus gracefully while also being drunk, soft, round, blurry, and most definitely spherical, unlike LED. Wait, who? Probably some plebeian. Or so the voices told me. Shhhh. Not them. Never them.